


Bees in Bed: What Price Freedom

by Kiiratam



Series: Bees in Bed [8]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Blake has PTSD, Canon Compliant, Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21557803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiiratam/pseuds/Kiiratam
Summary: Blake has some choices to make.Takes place between volumes 2 and 3. (My BMBLB fic index)
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long
Series: Bees in Bed [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1482350
Comments: 8
Kudos: 110





	Bees in Bed: What Price Freedom

The trail was unstable. It crunched beneath Blake's feet as she climbed the hill. She knew what she was walking on, but she forced herself to keep walking. She couldn't do anything about it. She had to keep moving. Had to get to the top.

  
"How could you, Blake?"

  
Blake couldn't look at Ilia. Couldn't look down. She fixed her gaze forward, blotting out details of the slope ahead.

  
"They _trusted_ you. They _trusted_ the Belladonnas."

  
_Keep going._

  
"Adam was right. You don't care about the rest of us. The cost we pay for your family's ambitions. You're no better than the humans."

  
_I'm sorry, Ilia. I couldn't help anyone._

  
"Damnit, look at me! Look at what you're walking on! Pay attention!"

  
Blake's eyes dipped to the trail. The pathway made of Grimm masks. Of her fallen sisters and brothers of the White Fang.

  
"I thought you were on our side. My side. I could've hid, but I didn't. I wanted to be like the Belladonna girl, fearless. But that was just another lie, wasn't it?"

  
_I'm a coward. But I can't leave the trail. I need to keep going._

  
"You ran from Adam, from someone who loved you more than anything. You didn't see him after you left. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep - how could you just throw that aside?"

  
_Remember what's at the end._

  
"How could you betray him like that?"

  
Blake growled and spun to face her old friend. "How can you be so _blind_? Adam? Love? He doesn't know how!"

  
Ilia looked back at her from behind her Grimm mask. And she reached up, took it off, and threw it in Blake's path. "Keep walking, Blake. Kill me too."

  
"He's not worth dying for."

  
"You told me different." Ilia's face was pleading with her.

  
Blake forced herself to turn away. And took another step.

* * *

Her eyes opened, and Blake tried to ignore the snap she had started to feel underneath her foot.

  
_Just a dream. I didn't kill Ilia._

  
_Breathe in, hold it, breath out._

  
_There was so much I didn't tell her. But she had to know. Had to be able to guess._

  
_It took me a long time to really understand what was happening. What Adam was doing. And I was there for all of it. Ilia wasn't._

  
_Breathe in, hold it, breath out._

  
Blake grabbed her scroll from the bookshelf by her bed, and unrolled it, checking the time. It was still the middle of the night. Ruby was still snoring, Weiss was doing that quiet murmur she did. It wasn't really snoring; she just seemed to talk in her sleep. A lot. Blake knew that she could argue with herself on this for hours. Nothing had changed since the last time she had. She still didn't know where Ilia was, if she was even still alive. 

  
So she had to distract herself. Long enough to fall asleep. She could work on her poetry, but that wasn't actually going to help her - it was more of a triage for her insomnia. Which left-

  
She slid out of her bunk onto silent feet, and pulled herself onto the top bunk, where Yang-

  
-wasn't there.

  
_Breathe in, hold it, breath out._

  
_She probably just went to the bathroom. It's not like she's at a midnight rendezvous._

  
_I'll just wait for her._

  
Blake pulled Yang's blankets over her, and nestled onto her pillow. Off to one side, so Yang would still have plenty of room. The bed was still warm; Yang couldn't have been gone long.

  
_I can deal with this on my own. I'm healing. I can talk myself out of anything stupid. I can control my trauma, even if it really really sucks sometimes. I can deal with this on my own. But-_

  
_I don't want to._

  
_I don't need Yang. I just want her._

  
_Just... on my own terms._

  
_What about Yang's terms? Are you going to care about that at all?_

  
_What am I even **thinking**? What's next, just living out my sick fantasies and crawling into bed with her when she's masturbating? Doesn't Yang get to have boundaries?_

  
Blake clutched the blanket -Yang's blanket - tightly around herself.

  
_I am not Adam._

  
_Really? Because you're sure acting like him. Give Yang space. Let her be her own person._

  
_I hate that I get jealous when she's laughing with Pyrrha. Or Nora. Or even Ruby. Her own sister, and I'm jealous._

  
_I won't be Adam. I won't act the same way he did. Isolating me. Only letting me exist around him._

  
Breathing in Yang's scent, Blake huddled in the bed, curling up into a little ball.

  
_It's not the same. I don't let Yang do anything. She does what she wants, and nothing's going to stop her. That's what I like about her. She's not like me at all. Yang is wild, and free, and if she didn't choose all her responsibilities, she still made them her own. And she knows when to let go. Like how she gives Ruby space. And me._

  
_Why can't I do the same back? Why can't I let her go?_

  
_I don't want to. Ever._

  
_...Does that mean she doesn't feel the same way about me?_

  
_Please, stop. I'm talking myself into thinking Yang doesn't care. She does. I know she does._

  
_And you'd think I'd actually learn something from all the books I read. What Adam felt- I don't know what it was, but it wasn't love. Love can hurt, but not like that._

  
_What was the saying? 'If you love someone, let them go? Love will come back.'_

  
_Yang is just letting go._

  
_And I need to learn how. After thinking love was holding on with all your might._

  
Blake didn't notice Yang had come back until she pulled up the covers, and started to slide under them.

  
"Oh. Hi." Yang paused, not quite lying down yet.

  
"Hi."

  
"Bad dream again?"

  
Blake just nodded.

  
"You need anything?" Yang looked ready to rush off and fight a dragon for her.

  
"...better dreams."

  
"Um. I meant water, or body heat, or something." Yang shook her head. "I don't think there are any dream emporiums around. Sorry."

  
"It's okay." Blake made herself reach out and put a hand on Yang's arm. "Snuggles?"

  
"Oh. Yeah. Sure." Yang laid down on her side, and Blake scooted back into her embrace. Knowing that Yang would keep her safe - even if it meant letting her fly free.

  
And Yang was already asleep again, breathing in a slow rhythm. Blake tried to match it. 

  
_Breathe in ... Hold it ... Let it go..._

  
_Breathe in ... Hold it ... Let it go..._

  
_Breathe in ... Hold it ... Let it go..._


End file.
